| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Fluffy Muffdiver | 7 | +5.20 (74.29%) | |
| D | Denny Dildo | 8 | +1.80 (22.50%) | |
| D | Leigh Maddock | 7 | +2.20 (31.43%) | |
| D | Benny Beavers | 7 | +1.10 (15.71%) |  |
| M | Willie Ellison | 8 | +0.70 (8.75%) | |
| M | Virgin Hardcock | 7 | +0.70 (10.00%) |  |
| M | Johnny Potsmoker | 7 | -0.80 (-11.43%) | |
| M | Abraham Arsehole | 6 | +2.80 (46.67%) | |
| M | Dilbert Dickgraber | 6 | +1.90 (31.67%) | |
| S | Samuel Slutfucker | 7 | +2.40 (34.29%) | |
| S | Spike Sperminator | 7 | +1.90 (27.14%) | |
| R | Gaylord Focker | 7 | +1.10 (15.71%) | |
| R | Billy Bullshit | 7 | +1.00 (14.29%) | |
| R | Freddie Fuckface | 6 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| 6.93 | +22.00 (22.68%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| -3.90 (-65.00%) | 6 | Ignacio Maldonado | K | |
| -2.60 (-43.33%) | 6 | Alessandro Costacurta | D | |
| -1.50 (-30.00%) | 5 | Fabio Cannavaro | D | |
| -1.70 (-34.00%) | 5 | Karl Willetts | D | |
| -1.70 (-42.50%) | 4 | Jere Ylönen | D | |
| -1.30 (-26.00%) | 5 | Demetrio Albertini | M | |
| -1.50 (-30.00%) | 5 | Steven Burbage | M | |
| -1.90 (-38.00%) | 5 | Toni Alkorta | M | |
| -1.40 (-35.00%) | 4 | Alasdair Laidlaw | M | |
| -4.20 (-70.00%) | 6 | Emesto Marcolini | S | |
| -0.30 (-6.00%) | 5 | Geoffrey Zipper | S | |
| -3.80 (-76.00%) | 5 | Simão Salgado | R | |
| -25.80 (-42.30%) | 5.08 |