| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Fluffy Muffdiver | 8 | +2.00 (25.00%) | |
| D | Denny Dildo | 9 | +2.30 (25.56%) | |
| D | Dick Stillhard | 9 | +0.60 (6.67%) | |
| D | Benny Beavers | 8 | +2.60 (32.50%) | |
| D | Billy Bullshit | 8 | +0.90 (11.25%) | |
| D | Gaylord Focker | 8 | -0.40 (-5.00%) | |
| M | Titty McNipple | 9 | -1.40 (-15.56%) | |
| M | Dilbert Dickgraber | 8 | +2.00 (25.00%) | |
| M | Abraham Arsehole | 8 | +1.10 (13.75%) |  |
| S | Spike Sperminator | 8 | -1.70 (-21.25%) | |
| S | Tracy Twatcrusher | 7 | +0.50 (7.14%) |  |
| 8.18 | +8.50 (9.44%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| -0.10 (-1.11%) | 9 | Coin Treau | K | |
| +1.10 (7.86%) | 14 | Guin Ness | D | |
| -0.20 (-1.43%) | 14 | Stein Lager | D | |
| -0.80 (-10.00%) | 8 | James Squire | D | |
| +0.30 (2.00%) | 15 | Viog Nier | M | |
| -0.30 (-2.50%) | 12 | Zin Fandel | M | |
| -0.20 (-2.22%) | 9 | Dol Cetto | M | |
| -1.50 (-25.00%) | 6 | Chard Onnay | M | |
| +0.70 (14.00%) | 5 | Temp Ranillo | M | |
| -6.00 (-42.86%) | 14 | Bailie Nicol Jarvie | S | |
| -0.90 (-22.50%) | 4 | Highland Park | S | |
| -0.50 (-4.17%) | 12 | Glen Moray | R | |
| -0.20 (-2.86%) | 7 | Sem Illon | R | |
| -8.60 (-6.67%) | 9.92 |