| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Fluffy Muffdiver | 10 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| D | Sylvester Syphilis | 13 | -0.20 (-1.54%) | |
| D | Denny Dildo | 10 | +3.90 (39.00%) | |
| D | Benny Beavers | 9 | +3.10 (34.44%) | |
| D | Billy Bullshit | 8 | +3.40 (42.50%) | |
| M | Happy Cunt | 14 | -4.80 (-34.29%) | |
| M | Johnny Potsmoker | 10 | +2.20 (22.00%) |   |
| M | Virgin Hardcock | 9 | +3.20 (35.56%) | |
| M | Dilbert Dickgraber | 8 | +2.30 (28.75%) | |
| S | Spike Sperminator | 9 | +1.60 (17.78%) | |
| S | Samuel Slutfucker | 8 | +1.20 (15.00%) | |
| R | Gaylord Focker | 9 | +1.10 (12.22%) | |
| R | Gabriel Gonorrhea | 4 | +1.60 (40.00%) | |
| 9.31 | +18.60 (15.37%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| +0.60 (6.67%) | 9 | Howey Kent | K | |
|
+1.00 (8.33%) | 12 | Orval Trappist | D |
| -0.40 (-4.00%) | 10 | Conor Cowan | D | |
| -0.20 (-2.22%) | 9 | Franciscan Well | D | |
| -3.70 (-33.64%) | 11 | Lúcás Doherty | M | |
| -1.10 (-11.00%) | 10 | John Smith | M | |
| -1.00 (-16.67%) | 6 | Maurice Gledhill | M | |
| -1.50 (-25.00%) | 6 | Lauren Etame | M | |
| +1.30 (13.00%) | 10 | Abraham Thompson | S | |
| +1.10 (18.33%) | 6 | Humphrey Laidlow | S | |
| +0.70 (14.00%) | 5 | Ayrton Dunga | S | |
| -0.40 (-6.67%) | 6 | Gregory Routledge | R | |
| -0.20 (-4.00%) | 5 | Nero Tacchi | R | |
| -0.60 (-12.00%) | 5 | Kjell Normelius | R | |
| -4.40 (-4.00%) | 7.86 |