| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Fluffy Muffdiver | 8 | +2.20 (27.50%) | |
| D | Denny Dildo | 9 | +3.30 (36.67%) |  |
| D | Dick Stillhard | 9 | +2.60 (28.89%) | |
| D | Benny Beavers | 8 | +3.00 (37.50%) | |
| M | Titty McNipple | 9 | +0.20 (2.22%) | |
| M | Johnny Potsmoker | 8 | +4.10 (51.25%) |  |
| M | Virgin Hardcock | 8 | +2.90 (36.25%) | |
| M | Abraham Arsehole | 8 | +2.70 (33.75%) | |
| M | Dilbert Dickgraber | 8 | -0.10 (-1.25%) | |
| S | Spike Sperminator | 8 | +2.50 (31.25%) | |
| S | Tracy Twatcrusher | 7 | +1.70 (24.29%) | |
| R | Gaylord Focker | 8 | +1.60 (20.00%) | |
| R | Billy Bullshit | 8 | +0.60 (7.50%) | |
| R | Samuel Slutfucker | 7 | +1.20 (17.14%) | |
| 8.07 | +28.50 (25.22%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| -3.90 (-43.33%) | 9 | Kurt Libuda | K | |
| -1.30 (-14.44%) | 9 | Jay McManaman | D | |
| -0.90 (-15.00%) | 6 | Norman Jarvis | D | |
| -1.10 (-18.33%) | 6 | Cuthbert Goodison | D | |
| -1.60 (-26.67%) | 6 | Lee Porter | D | |
| -3.80 (-47.50%) | 8 | Kevin Sheedy | M | |
| -1.60 (-22.86%) | 7 | Hugh G Rection | M | |
| -2.00 (-28.57%) | 7 | Justin Cider | M | |
| -1.70 (-34.00%) | 5 | Ralph Sønck | M | |
| -0.60 (-8.57%) | 7 | Theodore Cruz | S | |
| -2.70 (-38.57%) | 7 | Kelsey Alvington | S | |
| -1.30 (-18.57%) | 7 | Calin Ursachi | R | |
| -0.10 (-2.00%) | 5 | Christopher Udsen | R | |
| -22.60 (-25.39%) | 6.85 |