| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Naked Jeff | 4 | -0.40 (-10.00%) | |
| D | Osório Barreiro | 8 | +1.10 (13.75%) |  |
| D | Bartholomew Brown | 7 | +0.90 (12.86%) | |
| D | Captain Fishfingers | 6 | +0.70 (11.67%) | |
| M | Brian McClair | 9 | +0.90 (10.00%) |  |
| M | Frank Lampard | 6 | +2.40 (40.00%) | |
| M | Jesus Christ | 5 | +2.90 (58.00%) | |
| M | Siva Shiva | 5 | +1.60 (32.00%) | |
| M | Cristiano Messi | 4 | -0.10 (-2.50%) | |
| S | Johann Steinsson | 9 | -2.50 (-27.78%) | |
| S | Francis MacLeish | 8 | +0.70 (8.75%) | |
| R | Easter Bunny | 4 | +0.10 (2.50%) | |
| R | Healthy Fastfood | 4 | -0.70 (-17.50%) | |
| 6.08 | +7.60 (9.62%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| -0.20 (-2.86%) | 7 | Chad Wise | K | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 7 | Theo Freeman | D | |
| -0.70 (-10.00%) | 7 | Delfino Félix | D | |
| +0.50 (10.00%) | 5 | Herbert Lasocki | D | |
| -0.60 (-12.00%) | 5 | Gonchi Isimaru | D | |
| -1.70 (-24.29%) | 7 | Exequiel Valdano | M | |
| -1.80 (-25.71%) | 7 | Trey Miles | M | |
| -0.30 (-6.00%) | 5 | Mario Ochoa | M | |
|
+0.20 (2.86%) | 7 | Bernie Bass | S |
|
+2.10 (35.00%) | 6 | Dante Devereaux | S |
| +0.40 (8.00%) | 5 | Baltazar Vassalo | S | |
| -2.10 (-3.09%) | 6.18 |