| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Naked Jeff | 6 | -1.80 (-30.00%) | |
| D | Captain Fishfingers | 7 | +0.30 (4.29%) | |
| D | Bartholomew Brown | 6 | +1.60 (26.67%) | |
| D | Branislav Ivanovic | 6 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| D | Group Sex | 6 | -0.10 (-1.67%) | |
| D | John Terry | 5 | -0.10 (-2.00%) | |
| M | Frank Lampard | 8 | -1.50 (-18.75%) | |
| M | Cristiano Messi | 6 | -0.10 (-1.67%) | |
| M | Lucas Piazon | 5 | -1.10 (-22.00%) | |
| S | Francis MacLeish | 7 | -2.40 (-34.29%) | |
| S | Healthy Fastfood | 6 | -0.40 (-6.67%) | |
| 6.18 | -5.60 (-8.24%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| +2.10 (26.25%) | 8 | Spencer Pimblett | K | |
| +2.50 (25.00%) | 10 | Freddie Gillespie | D | |
| +2.60 (32.50%) | 8 | Seymour Rimmer | D | |
| +2.50 (31.25%) | 8 | Stan Gaye | D | |
  |
+2.20 (22.00%) | 10 | Karasuwo Hotei | M |
| +2.50 (31.25%) | 8 | Matty Chuter | M | |
| +1.20 (20.00%) | 6 | Russ Abrahams | M | |
| +1.50 (30.00%) | 5 | Nigel Duncan | M | |
| +1.60 (40.00%) | 4 | Jaime Peverill | M | |
| -2.10 (-26.25%) | 8 | Edward Duke | S | |
|
-0.40 (-6.67%) | 6 | Sergei Butranes | S |
| +16.20 (20.00%) | 7.36 |