| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Allan McGregor | 8 | +0.80 (10.00%) | |
| D | Osório Barreiro | 7 | +1.60 (22.86%) | |
| D | Captain Fishfingers | 7 | +1.30 (18.57%) | |
| D | Group Sex | 6 | +2.60 (43.33%) | |
| M | Frank Lampard | 8 | -0.20 (-2.50%) | |
| M | John Keogh | 8 | -1.00 (-12.50%) | |
| M | Jesus Christ | 8 | -3.40 (-42.50%) | |
| M | Cristiano Messi | 6 | +1.20 (20.00%) | |
| M | Lucas Piazon | 5 | +1.40 (28.00%) |  |
| S | Francis MacLeish | 7 | +0.70 (10.00%) |  |
| S | Jesus Claus | 4 | +1.20 (30.00%) | |
| R | Branislav Ivanovic | 6 | +1.30 (21.67%) | |
| 6.67 | +7.50 (9.38%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| +0.90 (10.00%) | 9 | Peter Schmeichel | K | |
| +3.20 (35.56%) | 9 | Jeff Heaney | D | |
| +1.30 (14.44%) | 9 | Sami Hyypia | D | |
|
+0.80 (16.00%) | 5 | Zamri Blackjackz | D |
| +0.60 (15.00%) | 4 | Nancy America | D | |
| -1.40 (-15.56%) | 9 | Charlie Adams | M | |
| +3.00 (37.50%) | 8 | Mensa Gail | M | |
| +2.40 (30.00%) | 8 | John Barnes | M | |
| +1.40 (28.00%) | 5 | Mark Corrigan | M | |
| +1.10 (27.50%) | 4 | Miziler Alonso | M | |
|
+0.10 (1.43%) | 7 | Samuli Eevala | S |
| +0.70 (14.00%) | 5 | Toni Nextdoor | R | |
| +0.40 (8.00%) | 5 | Miziler Suarez | R | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 5 | Football Related Fred | R | |
| +14.50 (15.76%) | 6.57 |