| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Naked Jeff | 6 | -0.20 (-3.33%) | |
| D | Osório Barreiro | 7 | +2.20 (31.43%) | |
| D | Captain Fishfingers | 7 | +0.60 (8.57%) | |
| D | Group Sex | 6 | +2.10 (35.00%) | |
| D | John Terry | 5 | +2.60 (52.00%) | |
| M | John Keogh | 8 | -1.90 (-23.75%) | |
| M | Jesus Christ | 8 | -2.70 (-33.75%) | |
| M | Lucas Piazon | 5 | +0.70 (14.00%) | |
| M | Jimmy McDonald | 3 | +0.50 (16.67%) | |
| S | Healthy Fastfood | 6 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| S | Matias Cesar | 4 | -0.40 (-10.00%) | |
| R | Frank Lampard | 8 | +0.10 (1.25%) | |
| R | Francis MacLeish | 7 | +0.80 (11.43%) | |
| R | Branislav Ivanovic | 6 | +0.80 (13.33%) | |
| 6.14 | +5.20 (6.05%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| -1.20 (-24.00%) | 5 | Artyom Bolotnikov | K | |
| +1.50 (18.75%) | 8 | Benoit Guidez | D | |
| +1.90 (27.14%) | 7 | Danny Simpson | D | |
 |
+0.70 (10.00%) | 7 | Maureo Adorno | D |
| +2.60 (43.33%) | 6 | Fabricio Coloccini | D | |
| +1.20 (20.00%) | 6 | Hélder Deus | D | |
| -1.40 (-17.50%) | 8 | Albin Lorenzen | M | |
| +0.60 (8.57%) | 7 | Jonas Gutierrez | M | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 7 | Mitchell Wilkerson | M | |
| -0.90 (-12.86%) | 7 | Daley McGrath | M | |
| -0.30 (-4.29%) | 7 | Halil Akin | S | |
| +4.70 (6.27%) | 6.82 |