| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Allan McGregor | 8 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| D | Captain Fishfingers | 7 | +2.80 (40.00%) | |
| D | Osório Barreiro | 7 | +2.60 (37.14%) | |
| D | John Terry | 5 | +3.80 (76.00%) | |
| M | Frank Lampard | 8 | +2.80 (35.00%) |  |
| M | John Keogh | 8 | -0.40 (-5.00%) | |
| M | Jesus Christ | 8 | -0.50 (-6.25%) | |
| M | Lucas Piazon | 5 | +2.10 (42.00%) |  |
| M | Nympho Maniac | 4 | +0.60 (15.00%) | |
| S | Francis MacLeish | 7 | -0.20 (-2.86%) | |
| S | Matias Cesar | 4 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| 6.45 | +13.60 (19.15%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| -2.80 (-35.00%) | 8 | Shaun Rowett | K | |
|
-0.40 (-4.44%) | 9 | Manfred Hausmann | D |
|
-1.00 (-12.50%) | 8 | Jayjay McLovin | D |
| -1.40 (-20.00%) | 7 | Jayjay McMuffin | D | |
| -0.70 (-11.67%) | 6 | Nemo Brown | D | |
| -2.30 (-28.75%) | 8 | Indiana Jones | M | |
| -1.80 (-25.71%) | 7 | Joshua Davison | M | |
| -1.80 (-25.71%) | 7 | Jeff Stelling | M | |
| -1.20 (-17.14%) | 7 | Alan Shearer | S | |
| +0.50 (8.33%) | 6 | Lauren Ledsham | S | |
| -1.00 (-16.67%) | 6 | Ollie Guy | S | |
| -0.60 (-10.00%) | 6 | Double Andimsold | R | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 5 | Borat Sagdiyev | R | |
| +0.20 (5.00%) | 4 | Rodolfo Zalazar | R | |
| -14.30 (-15.21%) | 6.71 |