| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Bryan Swanson | 6 | -0.20 (-3.33%) | |
| D | Papa Bear | 9 | -1.20 (-13.33%) | |
| D | Sheamus O’Shaunaghsey | 7 | -0.50 (-7.14%) | |
| D | Nineteen Counting | 6 | +0.20 (3.33%) | |
| D | Special Jayjay | 5 | -0.50 (-10.00%) | |
| M | Ricky Bobby | 9 | -1.00 (-11.11%) |  |
| M | Tom Cleverley | 8 | +2.60 (32.50%) |  |
| M | Julian Joachim | 6 | +1.10 (18.33%) | |
| M | Georgie Steve | 6 | +0.30 (5.00%) | |
| M | Gary Speed | 4 | +0.30 (7.50%) | |
| S | Jam Bear | 9 | -0.10 (-1.11%) | |
| R | José Luis Rincón | 6 | +0.60 (10.00%) | |
| R | William Prunier | 6 | -0.10 (-1.67%) | |
| R | Pro Evo Tom | 5 | -0.20 (-4.00%) | |
| 6.57 | +1.30 (1.41%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| -1.70 (-28.33%) | 6 | Naked Jeff | K | |
| +0.70 (10.00%) | 7 | Osório Barreiro | D | |
| -0.20 (-3.33%) | 6 | Branislav Ivanovic | D | |
| -0.50 (-10.00%) | 5 | John Terry | D | |
| +0.40 (5.00%) | 8 | Frank Lampard | M | |
|
-1.70 (-21.25%) | 8 | John Keogh | M |
| -2.80 (-35.00%) | 8 | Jesus Christ | M | |
|
+1.70 (28.33%) | 6 | Cristiano Messi | M |
| -0.60 (-15.00%) | 4 | Nympho Maniac | M | |
| -0.50 (-7.14%) | 7 | Francis MacLeish | S | |
| +0.30 (5.00%) | 6 | Healthy Fastfood | S | |
| -0.40 (-6.67%) | 6 | Group Sex | R | |
| +0.50 (12.50%) | 4 | Jesus Claus | R | |
| -4.80 (-5.93%) | 6.23 |