| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Naked Jeff | 7 | +0.80 (11.43%) | |
| D | Captain Fishfingers | 8 | +2.30 (28.75%) | |
| D | Branislav Ivanovic | 7 | +2.60 (37.14%) | |
| D | Gavino Del Neri | 7 | +0.50 (7.14%) | |
| D | John Terry | 6 | +1.80 (30.00%) | |
| D | Ted MacAvery | 3 | +1.30 (43.33%) | |
| M | Frank Lampard | 9 | +2.00 (22.22%) |  |
| M | Jesus Christ | 9 | +0.60 (6.67%) | |
| M | John Keogh | 9 | -0.40 (-4.44%) | |
| S | Francis MacLeish | 7 | +0.20 (2.86%) | |
| S | Jesus Claus | 5 | +2.10 (42.00%) |  |
| R | Matias Cesar | 5 | -0.20 (-4.00%) | |
| 6.83 | +13.60 (16.59%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| -1.50 (-21.43%) | 7 | John Osborne | K | |
| -1.80 (-20.00%) | 9 | Ed Stokoe | D | |
| +0.70 (8.75%) | 8 | Jeremias Quinn | D | |
| -2.10 (-26.25%) | 8 | Cyril Knowles | D | |
| -0.70 (-10.00%) | 7 | Keith Newton | D | |
| -3.40 (-42.50%) | 8 | Paul Holloway | M | |
| -2.20 (-31.43%) | 7 | Billy Bremner | M | |
| -3.10 (-44.29%) | 7 | Humphrey Tindle | M | |
| -1.60 (-26.67%) | 6 | Keith Weller | M | |
| -3.10 (-38.75%) | 8 | Harold Rotham | S | |
| -1.50 (-30.00%) | 5 | Ulf Kihlberg | S | |
| -0.20 (-4.00%) | 5 | Zac Birch | R | |
| -1.20 (-24.00%) | 5 | Neil Yeates | R | |
| -21.70 (-24.11%) | 6.92 |