| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Shaun Rowett | 9 | +2.90 (32.22%) | |
| D | Al Hutson | 11 | -1.40 (-12.73%) |  |
| D | Manfred Hausmann | 10 | +2.80 (28.00%) | |
| D | Jayjay McLovin | 9 | +2.50 (27.78%) | |
| D | Jayjay McMuffin | 8 | +1.60 (20.00%) | |
| M | Arthur Ahremark | 13 | -3.80 (-29.23%) | |
| M | Indiana Jones | 9 | +1.50 (16.67%) | |
| M | Jeff Stelling | 8 | +2.20 (27.50%) | |
| M | Joshua Davison | 8 | +0.50 (6.25%) | |
| M | Double Andimsold | 7 | +2.80 (40.00%) | |
| S | Ollie Guy | 7 | +1.20 (17.14%) | |
| R | Lauren Ledsham | 7 | +1.10 (15.71%) | |
| R | Nemo Brown | 7 | +1.00 (14.29%) | |
| R | Borat Sagdiyev | 7 | +1.00 (14.29%) | |
| 8.57 | +15.90 (13.25%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| +0.40 (5.00%) | 8 | Allan McGregor | K | |
| +2.00 (25.00%) | 8 | Captain Fishfingers | D | |
| +2.10 (30.00%) | 7 | Branislav Ivanovic | D | |
| +0.40 (5.71%) | 7 | Group Sex | D | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 7 | Gavino Del Neri | D | |
| -0.40 (-4.44%) | 9 | Jesus Christ | M | |
| -2.20 (-24.44%) | 9 | John Keogh | M | |
| -3.20 (-35.56%) | 9 | Frank Lampard | M | |
| +0.10 (1.43%) | 7 | Cristiano Messi | M | |
| +0.10 (1.67%) | 6 | Lucas Piazon | M | |
| +1.10 (15.71%) | 7 | Healthy Fastfood | S | |
| +0.40 (13.33%) | 3 | Ted MacAvery | R | |
| +0.80 (0.92%) | 7.25 |