| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Marc Besleagã | 8 | +0.40 (5.00%) | |
| D | Gay Pierced | 9 | +1.90 (21.11%) | |
| D | John Pope | 8 | +2.30 (28.75%) | |
| D | Bill Clit | 8 | +0.90 (11.25%) | |
| M | Captain Jack | 8 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| M | Cameron MacClean | 7 | +1.50 (21.43%) |  |
| M | Weeny Big | 7 | +0.80 (11.43%) | |
| M | Carrot Top | 6 | +4.10 (68.33%) |  |
| M | Yousef Andrawes | 5 | +2.50 (50.00%) | |
| S | Ciprian Ispir | 7 | +2.40 (34.29%) | |
| S | Chun Gan | 7 | +1.90 (27.14%) | |
| R | John Emonem | 7 | +0.80 (11.43%) | |
| R | Scar Face | 6 | +1.80 (30.00%) | |
| 7.15 | +21.30 (22.90%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| +0.70 (8.75%) | 8 | Allan McGregor | K | |
|
+0.50 (6.25%) | 8 | Captain Fishfingers | D |
| +1.70 (24.29%) | 7 | Group Sex | D | |
| +0.80 (11.43%) | 7 | Gavino Del Neri | D | |
|
+1.20 (13.33%) | 9 | Frank Lampard | M |
| +0.30 (3.33%) | 9 | Jesus Christ | M | |
|
+0.20 (2.22%) | 9 | John Keogh | M |
| +1.30 (18.57%) | 7 | Cristiano Messi | M | |
|
+2.20 (36.67%) | 6 | Lucas Piazon | M |
|
-0.50 (-7.14%) | 7 | Healthy Fastfood | S |
| -0.20 (-4.00%) | 5 | Matias Cesar | S | |
| +0.50 (8.33%) | 6 | John Terry | R | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 5 | Jesus Claus | R | |
| -0.20 (-4.00%) | 5 | Nympho Maniac | R | |
| +8.50 (8.67%) | 7.00 |