| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Alan Johnson | 5 | -1.30 (-26.00%) | |
| D | Sami Hyypia | 8 | +3.70 (46.25%) | |
| D | Jeff Heaney | 8 | +3.20 (40.00%) | |
| D | Zamri Blackjackz | 6 | +2.40 (40.00%) | |
| M | Mensa Gail | 8 | +3.20 (40.00%) | |
| M | John Barnes | 8 | +1.90 (23.75%) |  |
| M | King Kenny Dalglish | 7 | +2.50 (35.71%) |  |
| M | Football Related Fred | 7 | +1.60 (22.86%) | |
| M | Mark Corrigan | 7 | -1.70 (-24.29%) | |
| S | Fucking Hell Frankel | 6 | +2.10 (35.00%) | |
| S | Miziler Suarez | 6 | +0.50 (8.33%) | |
| 6.91 | +18.10 (23.82%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| -2.10 (-26.25%) | 8 | Naked Jeff | K | |
| -0.80 (-10.00%) | 8 | Captain Fishfingers | D | |
| -1.60 (-20.00%) | 8 | Branislav Ivanovic | D | |
| -0.90 (-12.86%) | 7 | John Terry | D | |
| -2.30 (-23.00%) | 10 | Frank Lampard | M | |
| -1.40 (-15.56%) | 9 | Jesus Christ | M | |
| -2.00 (-25.00%) | 8 | Cristiano Messi | M | |
| -2.00 (-28.57%) | 7 | Lucas Piazon | M | |
| -1.20 (-24.00%) | 5 | Jimmy McDonald | M | |
|
-1.40 (-17.50%) | 8 | Healthy Fastfood | S |
| -0.40 (-6.67%) | 6 | Matias Cesar | S | |
| -0.60 (-6.67%) | 9 | John Keogh | R | |
| -0.20 (-3.33%) | 6 | Jesus Claus | R | |
| +0.20 (4.00%) | 5 | Nympho Maniac | R | |
| -16.70 (-16.06%) | 7.43 |