| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Toni Nextdoor | 7 | -5.00 (-71.43%) | |
| D | Jeff Heaney | 8 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| D | Sami Hyypia | 8 | -1.00 (-12.50%) | |
| D | Football Related Fred | 7 | -4.00 (-57.14%) | |
| D | Mark Corrigan | 7 | -4.00 (-57.14%) | |
| M | Mensa Gail | 8 | -1.00 (-12.50%) | |
| M | John Barnes | 8 | -2.00 (-25.00%) | |
| M | King Kenny Dalglish | 7 | -2.00 (-28.57%) | |
| M | Jason de La Pena | 7 | -4.00 (-57.14%) | |
| S | Fucking Hell Frankel | 6 | -1.00 (-16.67%) | |
| S | Miziler Suarez | 6 | -1.00 (-16.67%) | |
| 7.18 | -25.00 (-31.65%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| -2.00 (-20.00%) | 10 | Shaun Rowett | K | |
 |
+1.00 (10.00%) | 10 | Jayjay McLovin | D |
 |
0.00 (0.00%) | 8 | Borat Sagdiyev | D |
| -1.00 (-12.50%) | 8 | Nemo Brown | D | |
|
0.00 (0.00%) | 10 | Indiana Jones | M |
|
+1.00 (11.11%) | 9 | Jeff Stelling | M |
| -1.00 (-11.11%) | 9 | Joshua Davison | M | |
|
0.00 (0.00%) | 8 | Double Andimsold | M |
|
+1.00 (25.00%) | 4 | Hard Trainer | M |
|
-1.00 (-12.50%) | 8 | Ollie Guy | S |
|
-3.00 (-37.50%) | 8 | Lauren Ledsham | S |
| -5.00 (-5.43%) | 8.36 |