| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Naked Jeff | 8 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| D | Captain Fishfingers | 8 | +3.00 (37.50%) | |
| D | Group Sex | 8 | +2.00 (25.00%) |   |
| D | Branislav Ivanovic | 8 | +2.00 (25.00%) | |
| D | John Terry | 7 | +2.00 (28.57%) | |
| M | Frank Lampard | 10 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| M | Jesus Christ | 9 | +2.00 (22.22%) | |
| M | John Keogh | 9 | -1.00 (-11.11%) | |
| M | Cristiano Messi | 8 | +2.00 (25.00%) | |
| M | Lucas Piazon | 7 | +1.00 (14.29%) | |
| S | Healthy Fastfood | 8 | +1.00 (12.50%) | |
| R | Jimmy McDonald | 5 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| R | Nympho Maniac | 5 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| R | Ted MacAvery | 4 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| 7.43 | +14.00 (13.46%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| -2.00 (-33.33%) | 6 | Awal Ruswandi | K | |
| -2.00 (-33.33%) | 6 | Fionlagh Macinnes | D | |
| -2.00 (-33.33%) | 6 | Hugo Edström | D | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 5 | Fionlagh Macintosh | D | |
| -2.00 (-50.00%) | 4 | Foluke Ikedia | D | |
| -1.00 (-16.67%) | 6 | Fionlagh Mackenzie | M | |
| -3.00 (-50.00%) | 6 | Ernest Devlin | M | |
| -1.00 (-25.00%) | 4 | Ishiro Ono | M | |
| -1.00 (-16.67%) | 6 | Fionlagh Macduff | S | |
| -1.00 (-25.00%) | 4 | Jari Lundquist | S | |
| -2.00 (-50.00%) | 4 | Fionlagh Macpherson | S | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 8 | Rúben Faro | R | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 5 | Fionlagh Macdougal | R | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 4 | David Prado | R | |
| -17.00 (-22.97%) | 5.29 |