| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Alan Partridge | 11 | -5.00 (-45.45%) | |
| D | Gerard Mcmahon Ii | 12 | -5.00 (-41.67%) | |
| D | Gerry Mac Mahon | 11 | +2.00 (18.18%) | |
| D | Will Ferrell | 10 | +2.00 (20.00%) | |
| M | Jeremy Kyle | 13 | -3.00 (-23.08%) | |
| M | Careful Steve | 10 | -4.00 (-40.00%) | |
| M | Fernancow Torres | 10 | -5.00 (-50.00%) | |
| M | Patrick Jane | 9 | -4.00 (-44.44%) | |
| S | Geraldinho McMahoninho | 9 | -5.00 (-55.56%) | |
| S | Gerardic McMahonovic | 8 | -4.00 (-50.00%) | |
| S | Gerardez McMahonez | 7 | -4.00 (-57.14%) | |
| 10.00 | -35.00 (-31.82%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| +1.00 (9.09%) | 11 | Naked Jeff | K | |
| +3.00 (27.27%) | 11 | Branislav Ivanovic | D | |
| +2.00 (18.18%) | 11 | Captain Fishfingers | D | |
| +2.00 (22.22%) | 9 | John Terry | D | |
  |
-1.00 (-8.33%) | 12 | Frank Lampard | M |
| +1.00 (10.00%) | 10 | Cristiano Messi | M | |
|
0.00 (0.00%) | 7 | Juan Mata | M |
| -1.00 (-16.67%) | 6 | Miguel Afonso | M | |
| -1.00 (-16.67%) | 6 | Florent Malouda | M | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 5 | Robin van Ronaldo | S | |
|
0.00 (0.00%) | 4 | Lionel Pelé | S |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 5 | Ryan Bertrand | R | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 5 | Diego Maradona | R | |
| +6.00 (5.88%) | 7.85 |