| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Shaun Rowett | 14 | +2.00 (14.29%) | |
| D | Manfred Hausmann | 14 | +2.00 (14.29%) | |
| D | Jayjay McLovin | 13 | +1.00 (7.69%) | |
| D | Borat Sagdiyev | 12 | +2.00 (16.67%) | |
| D | Adriano Trenta | 6 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| M | Indiana Jones | 14 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| M | Jeff Stelling | 13 | +3.00 (23.08%) |  |
| M | Joshua Davison | 13 | +2.00 (15.38%) | |
| M | Double Andimsold | 12 | +2.00 (16.67%) |  |
| M | Hard Trainer | 10 | +2.00 (20.00%) | |
| S | Ollie Guy | 12 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| R | Catalin Bordeiu | 11 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| R | Bejitta Swole | 8 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| R | The Wizard | 7 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| 11.36 | +16.00 (10.06%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| -1.00 (-11.11%) | 9 | Alan Johnson | K | |
| -2.00 (-18.18%) | 11 | Toni Nextdoor | D | |
| -3.00 (-33.33%) | 9 | Nancy America | D | |
| -2.00 (-25.00%) | 8 | Big Suze | D | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 6 | Bernard Staunton | D | |
| -5.00 (-45.45%) | 11 | Football Related Fred | M | |
| -2.00 (-20.00%) | 10 | Mark Corrigan | M | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 8 | Super Hans | M | |
| -2.00 (-25.00%) | 8 | Reginald Wenton | M | |
| -1.00 (-14.29%) | 7 | Stefan Strauss | M | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 4 | Rio Beasley | S | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 10 | Fucking Hell Frankel | R | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 8 | Aryan Daryl | R | |
| -1.00 (-20.00%) | 5 | Eron Roca | R | |
| -19.00 (-16.67%) | 8.14 |