| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Toot Bump | 10 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| D | Harry Nielsen | 10 | +2.00 (20.00%) | |
| D | Richard Keys | 9 | +1.00 (11.11%) | |
| D | Urijah Faber | 8 | +2.00 (25.00%) | |
| D | Shane McMahon | 8 | +1.00 (12.50%) | |
| M | Ryan Kirkland | 9 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| M | Brock Lesnar | 8 | +1.00 (12.50%) | |
| M | Derek Llambias | 7 | +1.00 (14.29%) | |
| M | Mike Ashley | 6 | -1.00 (-16.67%) | |
| S | Koko B Ware | 9 | +1.00 (11.11%) | |
| S | George Bollocks | 8 | +1.00 (12.50%) | |
| R | Rodney Marsh | 3 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| 7.92 | +9.00 (9.47%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| -3.00 (-60.00%) | 5 | Cock Block | K | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 9 | Captain Fishfingers | D | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 9 | Branislav Ivanovic | D | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 8 | Group Sex | D | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 8 | John Terry | D | |
 |
-2.00 (-20.00%) | 10 | Frank Lampard | M |
 |
0.00 (0.00%) | 9 | Cristiano Messi | M |
| -2.00 (-25.00%) | 8 | Lucas Piazon | M | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 4 | Juan Mata | M | |
| +1.00 (12.50%) | 8 | Healthy Fastfood | S | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 4 | Daniel Sturridge | S | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 7 | Jesus Claus | R | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 6 | Gavino Del Neri | R | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 6 | Jimmy McDonald | R | |
| -6.00 (-5.94%) | 7.21 |