| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Alan Johnson | 7 | -1.00 (-14.29%) | |
| D | Toni Nextdoor | 9 | -1.00 (-11.11%) | |
| D | Nancy America | 6 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| D | Big Suze | 5 | -1.00 (-20.00%) | |
| M | Football Related Fred | 9 | -1.00 (-11.11%) | |
| M | Mensa Gail | 8 | -1.00 (-12.50%) | |
| M | Mark Corrigan | 8 | -1.00 (-12.50%) | |
| M | Super Hans | 6 | -1.00 (-16.67%) | |
| M | Mat Aris Darus | 2 | -1.00 (-50.00%) | |
| S | Fucking Hell Frankel | 8 | -3.00 (-37.50%) | |
| S | Fine Ass Elena | 5 | -2.00 (-40.00%) | |
| 6.64 | -13.00 (-17.81%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| -1.00 (-16.67%) | 6 | Cock Block | K | |
| +1.00 (10.00%) | 10 | Branislav Ivanovic | D | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 10 | Captain Fishfingers | D | |
 |
0.00 (0.00%) | 9 | John Terry | D |
|
+1.00 (9.09%) | 11 | Frank Lampard | M |
| +1.00 (10.00%) | 10 | Cristiano Messi | M | |
|
+1.00 (12.50%) | 8 | Lucas Piazon | M |
| +1.00 (16.67%) | 6 | Juan Mata | M | |
| +1.00 (20.00%) | 5 | Miguel Afonso | M | |
 |
0.00 (0.00%) | 8 | Jesus Claus | S |
|
-1.00 (-25.00%) | 4 | Robin van Ronaldo | S |
| -1.00 (-16.67%) | 6 | Daniel Sturridge | R | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 5 | Fucking Skillz | R | |
| +3.00 (3.06%) | 7.54 |