| Pos | Name | Skill | Performance | |
| K | Naked Jeff | 12 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| D | Captain Fishfingers | 12 | +3.00 (25.00%) | |
| D | Branislav Ivanovic | 12 | +2.00 (16.67%) | |
| D | John Terry | 10 | +3.00 (30.00%) | |
| M | Frank Lampard | 12 | -3.00 (-25.00%) | |
| M | Cristiano Messi | 11 | +1.00 (9.09%) | |
| M | Miguel Afonso | 7 | 0.00 (0.00%) |  |
| M | Juan Mata | 7 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| M | Diego Maradona | 6 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| S | Lionel Pelé | 6 | +3.00 (50.00%) |  |
| S | Robin van Ronaldo | 6 | 0.00 (0.00%) | |
| R | Fucking Skillz | 7 | -2.00 (-28.57%) | |
| 9.00 | +7.00 (6.48%) |
Possession / Performance
| Performance | Skill | Name | Pos | |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 12 | Marc Besleagã | K | |
| +3.00 (30.00%) | 10 | Gay Pierced | D | |
| +2.00 (20.00%) | 10 | John Pope | D | |
|
+2.00 (20.00%) | 10 | John Emonem | D |
| 0.00 (0.00%) | 5 | Hugh Bayley | D | |
|
+2.00 (20.00%) | 10 | Carrot Top | M |
| +1.00 (10.00%) | 10 | Cameron MacClean | M | |
| +3.00 (33.33%) | 9 | Yousef Andrawes | M | |
| +1.00 (12.50%) | 8 | Adrian Sawyer | M | |
|
+1.00 (25.00%) | 4 | Hector Thompson | M |
|
0.00 (0.00%) | 10 | Chun Gan | S |
| +1.00 (14.29%) | 7 | Valfrid Alverö | R | |
| +1.00 (20.00%) | 5 | Vitor Cafu | R | |
| +17.00 (15.45%) | 8.46 |